First I decorated our tree by way of "goop-gluing" red and black feathers to it as well as attaching "cinnamon-scented" pine cones to its limbs by mild force. These cinnamon-scented pine cones smelled exactly like the hide of a freshly purchased My Little Pony...I Swear. To. God.
Second, I went outside to have a cigarette in my usual cigarette area around the side of the house, and upon arriving decided to glue the leftover feathers to a tree in our front yard, the effects of which were then promptly covered in snow by a blizzard...but have since re-appeared. "Goop-glue", as I have since been told, is an unnecessarily strong adhesive to be using for the purpose of gluing feathers to trees. Perhaps the feather-tree is going to die...hopefully not until after I have moved farther away from here.
My mother celebrated Christmas by gifting my father with several t-shirts bearing the names of European sites and cities which they had recently visited on a 5-years-late "anniversary cruise." Each of these dapper poly-cotton-blended tees was purchased by my mother...not secretly while within the appropriately assigned region, as one might think (and as Curtis Jarva quite understandably at first assumed) but rather, following the trip and on U.S. soil, most likely at a Kohl's. My mother often re-assigns mementos of this nature onto my father, who she must see as some sort of walking representation of our family's combined travels and acheivments. Why wouldn't dad feel comfortable in a Universite de Sorbonne t-shirt, Jessa!?
My father also bought himself and my mother a Kindle, while I was the lucky recipient of a large color photo scanner and printer for which I am very grateful but have not touched since. My mother, for whom the magic of christmas bears the closest resemblance to reality, has also been allowed an i-phone which has led her to believe that most pictures of me should be taken during times of heightened physical and mental distress and within 1- 2 inches proximity of my face.
Those protesting the christmas ceremonies this year included Erik Jarva and Golightly the cat. Edna the cat, however, as well as Chloe the dog, participated both enthusiastically and somewhat detrimentally.
And that is this year's christmas story.
Merry Christmas, y'all.
1 comment:
hahahaha; love it! happy new year, too!
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