procrastination nation!

having a hard time procrastinating today?

im not!

if you are having trouble procrastinating, or if you dont have two finals tomorrow to avoid studying for, or if you are just tired of the old tricks (facebook, youtube, popcorn, drugs) you might try thinking about your favorite new book and then looking up the worst reviews of that book on the internet- (you might also try analyzing your own handwriting on the internet)- naturally, you can extend your procrastination time by blogging about said activities afterward. this is an excerpt from a bad review of my favorite new book extremely loud & incredibly close by my favorite new writer jonathan safran foer--

To be fair, such neglect might be in Foer's best interests, since the book is an Oprah-etic paean to innocence and verbosity as embodied by Foer's latest saintly stand-in (there was a character named Jonathan Safran Foer in Everything Is Illuminated), nine-year-old Oskar Schell, who has a business card, speaks French, walks the city at odd hours by himself, writes letters to Stephen Hawking and other luminaries, knows more facts than any of the adults he speaks with, flirts with women, is a vegan, an atheist and otherwise equal parts unbelievable and unbearable. Foer, I should note, is a Jewish atheist, wrote letters to Susan Sontag when he was nine, and otherwise sounds like he'd make unbearable company, though perhaps not as much as the obnoxiously precocious, overeducated brat Schell. If Foer is beginning to sound like a minor Saul Bellow character (think the masturbating uncle in Mr. Sammler's Planet), he has only himself to blame.

The child compulsively invents. ("Another good thing would be if I could train my anus to talk when it farted" in the first paragraph, and so on for the next 200 pages.) Schell narrates much of the book, and Foer's proxy is fond of such figures of speech as "heavy boots" for depression (at least 15 times) and "VJs" for vaginas, alongside lengthier banal incantations such as, "I gave myself a bruise" and, worst of all, "zipping myself into the sleeping bag of myself. -Harry Seigel -the review is called extremely cloying and incredibly false
- what a dick! what fun!