snow gopher: a love story

once upon a time, my brother was graduating from graduating school (graduating school is more school for those who don't graduate well enough the first time from school and need to learn how to graduate better). we were in michigan, which is not in canada. pretty soon we were very bored with graduating.


luckily, after drinking the ceremonious graduating juice of orange and not eating the ceremonious graduating parfait of yogurt, my brother needed to go find his ceremonious robes and lock himself out of his apartment before the ceremonious graduating ceremony. while he did this, i ran around michigan singing and lighting cigarettes on fire. the scene pictured above stopped me in my joyous tracks.


i approached the creature from behind. was it a squirrel? had i stumbled upon a familial pack of rabid squirrels?? as i approached nearer to the animal, it was clear that this was no common squirrel. it was much too large, fanciful, red, and magnificent. perhaps it was a prairie dog. i expected the nymph to run off at any moment.


no! the object of my curiosity spun around, fully identifying itself in an almost unbearable show of utter cuteness and majesty. were this photo to have the special effects i ordered online, you would see the whiskered cheeks of the snow gopher twitching with mesmerizing rhythm and symmetry to the eating of the nut (pictured).


i entered the family of snow gophers while my mother documented the scene from a safe distance. she was not accepted within the snow gopher community, as it is their common belief that ginger-haired humans cramp their style and wash out their coats when photographed together.


no other human has been able to approach a snow gopher at this distance before while wearing a red coat and hat. snow gophers are known to attack out of fear, jealousy, hunger, and whim.


by sharing the miracle of my snow gopher interaction with the internet i hope to encourage support and education about snow gophers and one day create a snow gopher- human connection and networking site. if you would like to donate acorns to the 'underprivileged snow gophers fund' which benefits snow gophers living on or near the highway & canadian borders please send your acorns to 'The Regents of the University of Michigan, Ann Arbor, MI 48109'.