Suburban hobbies: volume 1

Life at your parents house is often as fun as you make it! One of the major benefits of suburban living (as a default result of the often precarious nature of your own lifestyle) is the availability of FOOD and the low low cost of cheap hair dye at Walmart. Too much food gets old real quick though...you start to think...what can I teach these people about life on the outside? How can I amuse myself with my eating habits when there's no struggle to live off the 7-11 health food aisle?*

Well, you might think I'm NUTS but here's a fun thing to do for the whole fam!?!!?

1. Pick a variety of 'mixed nuts' from the basement shelving.

 2. Select one type of nuts (WALNUTS are the best nuts for you as we'll as dr. Oz's favorite nut (as far as FOOD goes haha))

3. Eat all and only all of your selected nut choice out of the nut canister! Then wait and watch the fun unravel!! Unless no one notices and then good job on you for tricking yourself into portion control in the  nut arena! Now on to the attic!!!

Can you guess which nut is missing!?!?

(Lance, if you're reading this, I want to see that documentary about you and whether or not you're an asshole or a real asshole but it seems like its leaning toward the you are an asshole angle? But if you're in it willingly and that's the angle I'll probably end up liking you for that but I haven't seen it yet so the jury's still out on your character...anyway, this isn't about you! It's really about nuts!)

*Whats the 7-11 health food aisle, you say? There's no such thing as the 7-11 health food aisle you say!?!? Smells to me like someone's surfing the web from deep in the SUBURBS...

southie snacks 2.0

Living in South Boston, I've come up against some ethical dilemmas(-ish).

#1. seaglass/ accountability

       So I live right by the beach, which is nice, and I have a lot of free-time with my future waitress career still pending so I walk around a lot. I used to go "shelling" at the beaches in South Carolina but the habit became a little too obsessive and self-isolating in group-fun beach situations so I finally had to announce that I "quit shelling", which I did. I don't have a fraction of the amount of bothersome friend-types hanging around Southie as I did hanging around Charleston, however, so I have picked up a new sea-glass collection habit to replace my old shelling habit.
     
      Anyways, I was walking along the beach looking for sea glass and I noticed that the sea-glass selection was a bit sub-par. First off, it is hard to find really weathered bits of sea glass and second off the glass you do find is abnormally large and sometimes sharp, and often most likely not really sea glass at all. So I was thinking about that and then I was like- you know what I could do? I could come down here and smash up some bottles just right for sea glass and then just sort of throw it in the ocean. It would be like harvesting the glass! And then I was like- Whoa, whoa, would that be, like, unethical? or, like, against my morals? Do I have morals? How would the community feel??

      I think I was pretty high at the time but I swear I'm not now. I think I could technically justify throwing glass into the ocean since I'm there all the time picking that shit up, but I think an even better idea is to write the local advice columnist here and ask, especially since my other new favorite hobby is mail (in general).

I'm thinking something like this:

Dear Southie,

I live on Winfield street with my grandmother and I just love to collect sea-glass! It is my favorite hobby! I've been trying to get a good collection off the beaches here, but I've noticed that the sea-glass is mostly rough and immature and not even all that pretty (no offense) so I was thinking maybe I would take some bottles of my own choosing and smash them up to just the right size and then throw them in the ocean and then later on harvest that glass. I'll still pick up the shitty sea-glass that other people are supplying, but eventually I'd have my own too. I was wondering if you think this is unethical? I just don't know what to do!!

Sincerely,
Losing My Hobby